RAGBRAI 2017: The Registers Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa

Before the cycling had even started and before I have even had the chance to unpack my pathetically inadequate camping gear I ask myself what the hell have I let myself into? This was after by far the worst nights sleep I have ever had in my life. Our journey up to Iowa can only really be classified as a disaster. What was supposed to be a nice 10 hour drive up to the end town of Lansing (where we would load our bikes onto a bus and depart for the start the following day) turned into quite the expedition through small town Wisconsin as we were desperate to find a way across the angry and impassable flood waters of the Mississippi river. I'd had enough of the journey before even reaching Wisconsin, road trips in my experience are not as fun as advertised, just hot, long and uncomfortable. In Illinois google inexplicably sent us through downtown Chicago which involved seeing more of Chicago O'Hare airport than even a plane spotter would enjoy. Google clearly doesn't consider things like traffic and floods when calculating routes, why she thought it would be a good idea to send us through the biggest city in the Midwest at 4pm on a Friday is beyond me. It soon became clear to us that we were not going to hit the 9pm deadline to load our bicycles on the bus in Lansing and the fun had only just begun. In another very ill conceived shortcut google decided it would be a great idea to cut a corner off of our journey by sending us through the back roads of Wisconsin before crossing the Mississippi at Prairie Du Chien which can only be described as a mythical city on the river which you'll see signposts for everywhere in Wisconsin yet it proved to be impossible to reach thanks to the floods. The scenery along the Mississippi river valley is beautiful yet ominously hilly as I had no intention of cycling up large hills on this holiday! The weather was hot and steamy and some mighty storms had passed causing the Mississippi to burst its banks. This meant all the stupid little county roads google insisted on sending us down were flooded out leaving us at a complete loss as every time we turned around google would simply direct us down another county road which at some point would throw the 'bridge out' sign at us before we would have to turn around and repeat the process all over again. We stopped at a petrol garage for some Wisconsin cheese curds and crackers (which were bloody delicious!) and directions before finally crossing the river into Iowa at gone midnight.

When you need to do a tinkle on RAGBRAI, simply drop your bicycle and walk into the corn!

Things just got worse from there. The trucks where we were supposed to load the bicycles were locked and deserted, the long term parking had shut for the night and the humid, steamy weather and the bright lights of Lansing had brought every mosquito form a hundred miles away into the 'city' with a population of just 999 people. We had no idea where to camp or park so decided to just sleep in the car which in hindsight was a awful idea. We could finally get some shuteye after about 14 hours on the road but unfortunately as soon as we turned the engine off the air con shut off as well leading the temperature in the car to shoot up to approximately 2 million degrees. Unfortunately opening the windows proved impossible due to the air being thick with mosquitoes and it made for a miserable night. Turns out we may as well have opened the windows as a couple of bugs did get in and compounded my misery by eating me alive from head to toe. 

The excitement for the night still wasn't over, as at about 1am all of a sudden a fleet of police cars, fire trucks and ambulances with sirens whirring came racing through the town heading in the direction of some thunderstorms to the east, this was followed a couple of minutes later by a floatilla of cars full of screaming people and a school bus packed with ecstatic kids racing back down the main street in the other direction. Wes sent a shudder down my spine when he looked over and said "Tornado" before getting out the car to see whats up and disappearing into the sea of bugs, leaving me sweating and sitting in the car extremely hot car wondering what the hell to do!

In the end it turned out there was nothing to worry about, the local high school had just won the state softball competition sending everyone into a state of delirium and I guess the town decided they needed to let everyone know it.

The SAG wagon will pick you up and take you to the finish sound if it gets tough

The fire fighters putting on a show, the bucket is suspended form a wire, whoever gets the bucket to the opposite end of the wire first wins!

The Registers great annual bicycle ride across Iowa or RAGBRAI for short is a bicycle ride starting at the Missouri river on the West of Iowa before moving East to finish at the banks of the Mississippi. The ride is basically a huge bicycle party, with around 15000 bicycles cycling across the state. Over the course of the week I encountered lots of unique bicycles and characters like the wounded warriors who've lost legs and are riding with hand spinners and one mans quest to do a wheelie across Iowa, I have no idea if he succeeded, but I cycled behind him for a couple of miles and did not once see his front wheel hit the ground. There were big wheel bicycles, fixies (no gears) penny farthings and even a unicycle attempting the trip! It is a depressing feeling when you think you're flying along and yet a old lady riding a rusting bicycle with tires that haven't been changed since Greg LeMond last won the tour de France comes whizzing by you.

HEre I am playing table football! It didn't go well, I kicked the ball off of the ass of my team mate and it rebounded into the goal before I then managed to thwack my knee into the poll in front of me while attempting a kick!

She was certainly not the only person to go whizzing by me last week, the excitement on the last day was palpable when whispers were heard amongst the cyclists that 'Lance is coming, Lance is coming' to soon after be followed by a sssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sound Lance and his cronies, seemingly breaking the Iowa land speed record went flying by followed by a increasingly desperate, profusely sweating and never ending train of mamil (middle aged men in lycra) riders who hopelessly tried to catch his wheel while poor old Lance desperately tried to get away.

A cool water filling station concocted by the local police department

Over the course of the week you see lots of different cycling groups and teams making the trip, I bumped into team hello kitty, team cow and my personal favourite the team Donner Party with the slogan 'we eat the slow ones' in homage of the American pioneers who became stuck in the Sierra Nevada mountains and eventually resorted to eating members of their own party. Something I never managed to get my head around was the trust all the riders have for each other, at night we'd all go to bed and simply leave all our gorgeous bicycles laying on the ground outside our tents unlocked. I didn't hear a single story all week of someone having a bicycle stolen. Bearing in mind some of these carbon fiber jobbies are worth thousands of dollars I think that is amazing :)

A viking longboat bicycle

The RAGBRAI is a big deal in Iowa, with towns competing for the chance to host the ride. Having 10,000 cyclists descending on a town where you happen to own the only coffee shop with free wifi is certainly going to cause a spike in your sales! Our ride started in Orange city, a small town founded by the Dutch who brought their culture and windmills with them. I can see why they settled in this part of Iowa, as if you switched the Corn for Tulips and the paved roads for cobbles you would practically be in Holland as North West Iowa is really flat. Although the town was located just in from the Missourri river the town had replicated a Dutch canal complete with many mini windmills in a park and filled it with water from the Missouri enabling the riders to dip their back wheel in the Missouri river. It is a RAGBRAI tradition to dip your back tyre in the Missouri before you start, and your front Tyre in the Mississippi when you finish! Here is my buddy Wes dipping his tyre!

wes dipping his tyre in the Missouri canal

reading Bill Bryson in Iowa, his home state!

After a hard days riding!

Every day the route sends you to some unique places, on the 2nd day we visited the town of Britt which is home to the hobo art gallery and museum. Each year since 1900 the town plays host to a hobo convention where a hobo king and queen are elected by the attendees.. Anyone can enter for the chance to be King and Queen, so long as they have been riding the rails for at least 5 years and can make a coffee mug out of a old tin can! The hobo kings and queens are then immortalized with a hobo portrait in the gallery next door. The artist of which has gained some international acclaim for her work and has had the hobo portraits shown in galleries from Los Angleles to London. I was greatly honored to meet the Hobo King Redbird who was set up on a stall outside the museum, telling stories and signing whistles for anyone who was interested. He found it especially funny that the whistles he was signing were all made in China!

On the thrid day I became aware of the lifes work of Father Dobberstein. He was a very eccentric character who happened to be a great American priest and architect and who chose West Bend, Iowa as the perfect spot to build the grotto of the redemption, A cathederal made entirely out of coral and gems complete with caves containing different religous scenes also all made out of gems and coral. The site also has a museum next door containing his rock collection, one of the most extensive in the world! It was a beautiful and frankly bizarre cathederal and it just seemed so out of place in the middle of the Iowa corn fields! Check out these pictures!

Father Dobbersteins cathedral made entirely from rocks, gems and coral

A bizarre place slap bang in the middle of the corn fields

Inside father Dobbersteins cathederal

Where is the most diverse community per capita in the USA located? In the tiny town of Postville Iowa with  a population of 3000 people of course! It is an incredible place, the town is home to a huge Meat packing factory run by orthodox jews (Who when the RABRAI passed through had positioned themselves in the center of town and were walking up to all the men asking 'Are you Jewish?' before prompltly vanishing into the crowd when you answered no, I should have said yes, I bet they would have given me free cake!). The jobs in the Jewish kosher meatpacking factory were originally filled by Ukrainians and Russians, however when they moved on to bigger and better things the Mexicans, Guatemalans and most recently Somalians moved into town for the work, creating a surreal melting pot of starkly different cultures all in a tiny traditional Iowan farming community which now finds itself home to several Mexican restuarants, supermarkets, Jewish synagogues and even a Somalian restuarant, quite a change to the other towns in the area!

Mexican pop in Postville

A band playing on their front porch

The food on the ride was fabulous, with food trucks following the ride from day to day you become very familiar with the options available to you. One of the most popular had to be Mr Pork Chop, who operates out of a pink pig food truck and cooks pork chops on corn kernels. Mr. Pork Chop has been following the ride since the 70s and the sounds of "Pork Choooooooooooooooooooop" yelled out by the owner would resonte across the Iowa landscape, inspiring riders to hurry up to pick up their por. From miles away. This had become one of the most familiar and welcoming sounds on RAGBRAI till Mr Pork Chop passed away last year. Now the truck is managed by Mr. Pork Chops children and they released a patch in his honour for this years ride. I didn't get a patch because the line was so long, but I did get to try the pork chops, which are huge, about the size of your foot (yes Tim, even s big as one of your feet!) and go down very nicely especially with a little hot sauce sprinkled on the top! Other food highlights included the Amish pies and some rather wonderful chocolate and peanut butter ice cream sandwiches. They say that if you lose weight on RAGBRAI you are doing it wrong, and although I was hoping to shed some pounds with all the cycling I have to admit I succumbed to the tasty food and my weight may have gone in the opposite direction to which I had intended. Cycling is hungry and thirsty work!

look at that line!

Mr Pork Chops van

Ice cream sandwich

Amish Pie

Cycling back into Lansing on the last day was a really special experience, the ride itself was tough, we climbed about 4000 feet in just 45 miles but when you cycle round the last corner and see the Mississippi in front of you it really sinks in what you have achieved. The US Air Force sends a team of about 180 riders to RAGBRAI and they ride the route, helping people out who have crashes or mechanical incidents, well at the finish line all 180 of them were lining both sides of the road giving riders high fives as they came past, it was a wonderful feeling. I loved the riding and the experience but never got into camping. It had been many years since I had camped and I was quite excited about being under the stars however this feeling dissipated after about 60 seconds of opening up the tent bag and painfully stubbing my toe on the first tent peg I managed to get in the ground without it bending or breaking. We spent most nights on the grounds at local high schools which at least meant I could use the showers along with five thousand other smelly men and then being charged 5 dollars for the privilege! I'd be happy to never spend a night in a tent again, it was horrible, you'd put the tent up and immediately my tent would break Iowa temperature records meaning you go to bed sweating before waking up a few hours later in the shivering cold (the temperature in Iowa drops dramaticaly at night, or at least it felt like it did to me) and itching the latest bug bites while rummaging around in the dark trying to find the blankets before waking up sweating again at seven am. The temperature was well into the 30s every day of the ride. At least it only rained once! Besides the camping it was a fantastic week, and I am forever in awe of Wes who managed to make it up all those hills on his recumbent bicycle and for letting me accompany him on the RAGBRAI :)

Camping on the high school baseball field

Rolling countryside

Here I am at the Mississippi!

I cant remember.... Did I mention how terrible camping is?

Motel Road Trip

Inspired by Dave Gorman's Unchained America Amanda and Myself embarked on a epic road trip where we traveled through 8 states and stayed at 3 excellent motels in North Carolina and Georgia! Dave Gorman's Unchained America is where the British comedian decides to take on Corporate America by travelling unchained (only giving money to mom and pop by only using independent restaurants, gas stations and accommodations) from the West to East coast in a old beat up 70's station wagon. It is a must see for anyone who loves Americana or road trips in general and I am sure it is available to watch on Youtube or Netflix.

The Pink Motel, Cherokee, North Carolina

The Thunderbird Inn, Savannah, Georgia

The Sunset Motel, Brevard, North Carolina

Although our road trip was not quite so long as Dave Gormans and we did not even attempt to find independent gas stations (I have no idea where you would even look!) We ate and slept in some marvelous places and had a wonderful vacation! Our first stop was in Cherokee, North Carolina and was chosen due to its proximity to the Smoky Mountains national park and the Pink Motel. The drive down was a interesting one taking us through Ohio to the mountains in Kentucky and the churches in Tennessee before driving on the Newfound gap (the only passage through the Smoky Mountains) to Cherokee. We are a one car family and that one car is Amanda's pride and joy and so as a result I spent a lot of the trip sleeping in the passenger seat, Amanda gets nervous when I drive her lovely car when she is in it so this arrangement works well for all involved! I must have slept through the first few states (we had a ridiculously early start) but I have some strong recollections of the state of Tennessee, it seems to be full of churches and tat! Even off the highway it seemed every other building you saw was a baptist church of some description until the Smoky Mountains rear up in front of you and you find yourself face to face with the horror of Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge! I have never seen so much crap and tat in all of my life, just look at these pictures below! It is undeniable that the Smoky Mountains are magnificent but with this magnificence and a fairly easy drive from the large East coast cities the Great Smoky Mountains are also Americas most visited national park and with all these hordes of visitors comes a serious amount of tat. I mean what trip to the Smoky Mountains National park is complete without visiting a scale model of the Titanic?  Or maybe the 'Christ in the Smoky's museum' is more to your taste complete with lifelike waxworks of Jesus and some old coins form the Middle East! Dolly Parton even has a amuesment park in Gatlinburg called Dollywood and there is a Museum of Salt and Pepper Shakers in Pigeon Forge, a little tat for everyone!

what a load of tat

more tat

Finally, what the smokey Mountains are really about!

I am delighted we did not stay in the amusement park that is the Tennessee side of the Smokys but instead opted to stay in Cherokee on the Southern side of the Mountains, a long long long way away from the interstate highways. In America as soon as you get away from the interstates it is like you have time travelled back 50 years, you leave behind all the Holiday and Quality Inns and enter weird and wonderful worlds of the old motels. We chose the Pink Mote, because we loved the neon sign out front and everything was painted pink! They picked pink because whenever they send all the sheets to be laundered, as the only motel with pink sheets they could be sure they were getting the same sheets returned! There is also a small creek out the back which if you are lucky you'll spot the Elk meandering through in the late evening light. Unfortunately we did not see any Elk but it was still a lovely place to sit and relax with a good book!

Apparently this is a great place to sit to watch the Elk in the river!

Obviously the biggest attraction in Cherokee is not the town itself but the aptly named Great Smoky Mountains. This is a magnificent National park, originally created for the auto clubs of America who wanted an area of natural beauty and a great road with lots of twists and turns to test out their Studebakers and other fancy cars of the day. The National park is still popular with auto tours today but is also extremely popular with hikers, the Appalachian trail which is a 3'500 km trail that goes from Georgia all the way up to Maine (who has read Bill Bryson's 'A walk in the woods'?!) and passes straight through the centre of the park and is where Amanda and I decided to take a couple of hikes following the famous white blazes! With my friend Tim's recent Yellowstone bear experience still fresh in our minds we were careful to make as much noise as possible on our walks, banging stones together, singing songs and yelling 'hey bear' when we went round a corner in case we bumped into and surprised a bear! Luckily we did not meet a bear although later on on our trip while I was snoozing in the passenger seat Amanda did spot one by the side of the highway! Considering the Smoky Mountains are the most visited national park in America I was surprised at how quiet the Appalachian trail was, we only bumped into a couple of people on our 5 or so hours on the trail, even right by the road on a Saturday afternoon you can feel very much alone like you have the entire park to yourself. The scenery in the Smoky Mountains is unforgettable and really does make for some fantastic hiking, I cannot wait to go back.. just check out these pictures!

What a fantastic idea!!! a stand for your camera!

As you can see it works great :)

Add caption

The shite tree tops you can see are all the dead Fraser Firs

Can you spot the deer?

You may notice that a lot of the grand old Fraser Fir Trees in the pictures seem to have died, this is because of a nasty little beetle called the balsam woolly adelgid which injects the trees with a toxin and slowly kills them. It was first discovered to be killing off the trees in the 60's and is still killing them off today, almost 60 years later. in that period of time America has put a man on the moon but has still not solved the problem of the beetle that is ravaging Americas most popular national park, Go Figure. In the 1930's and 40's before cameras became a common item in American homes visitors would buy picture folders in order to take home and show family and friends some of the adventures they have had, I have purchased a few of these folders and took one with me into the Mountains to show you all just how little this pocket of widerness has changed over the years, you'll notice how the white stumps sticking up through the forest are not visible in the old postcards, this is because the trees only started dying during the 60's after the postcards were made.

Then and now.

Oreo pancakes and Peters! Yummm!

After an awesome breakfast at Peters and another stroll on the Appalachian Trail we were back on the road and heading down to Savannah, Georgia where the sunshine and the Thunderbird Inn were waiting for us! As you may know by following this blog We have visited Savannah a couple of times before, including on our honeymoon! I believe it to be the most beautiful city in America, with 24 picturesque squares dotted about, many historic mansions and lots of Spanish Moss making up the historic district as well as being surrounded by some great beaches and old plantation houses. We spent he first day chilling on the beach and wandering through Savannah's sleepy streets before heading over to explore the Wormsloe plantation on our second day. We had not visited this place before and it blew us away, One of the previous owners of the plantation had planted 400 oak trees down the driveway to celebrate his sons birthday and they make for an awesome entrance, creating a shady tunnel all the way up to the old plantation house. Although the house itself is still a private residence and cannot be visited you can wander freely through the grounds which are chock full of nature, you might catch a glimpse of some of these blue tailed lizards or maybe even a snake if you are unlucky or a armadillo if you are lucky (unfortunately the only armadillo we saw was some roadkill by the side of the highway in South Carolina!) just look at how gorgeous the driveway is in these pictures!

The entrance to the Wormsloe plantation

A tunnel of Spanish Moss covered Oaks

A great drive!

Inside the plantation

After our trip to the plantation I thought it was time to sample some Southern Fare and so the road took us to 'I love sweet potatoes' a popular southern food spot located in a dodgy strip mall on the outskirts of town. yet still this food is SO delicious!!!! I had a shrimp Polish boy (fried shrimp, coleslaw and fries in a bun) and a sweet potato with a sweet creamy pecan butter sauce. Words can't describe how good it was and these pictures don't really do it justice, I want to move to the South!! We finished off our dinner by sharing a pecan pie which was as good as it looks! Unfortunately Amanda does not neccesseraly agree with me, Southern Home Cooking is not so good for vegetarians, Amanda had a sweet potato and some mac n cheese with some suspicious crispy bacon included... despite being assured it was meat free! After reviewing my pictures I never actually photographed the food, I guess it didn't say on the plate long enough but I did snap a picture of what was at one point in time the best Pecan Pie in the world!

The best food I have had in America so far

Not much left of our Pecan Pie

After a ghost walk (Savannah is not only Americas most beautiful city, it is also the most haunted!) to walk off all that Southern Home Cooking we spent our last day doing what anyone in Savannah should do, strolling through the old town, drinking iced tea and eating ice cream! we spent our night in the moon river brewery, one of the most haunted buildings in the city but even after a few beers I did not see a ghost which was disappointing!! I have spoken about Savannah in my blog before so rather than repeating myself I shall leave you with some pictures of our stay and move on to our next destination - Brevard, North Carolina!

Ah yes sun, sea sand and a James bond book!

Sampling the brews at the hanted Moon river Brewing Company

Can you spot Amandas car!

Leopolds is the place to be for ice cream, this qeue was at about 10pm. Is that a ghost at the back of the line?

I photographed an apparition in one of Savannahs historic squares after our ghost tour.

Jim Williams House from the Garden of Good and Evil, I would like to buy this home!

sunset over the Savannah river

I am pleased with this picture, I am the only person in the history of the world to make a container ship look like is is moving  quickly!

Some postcards of the tbird Inn

We finished up our holiday by spending a couple of nights at the sunset motel located in the small city of Brevard in Transylvania County, North Carolina. It is named after Transylvania because of the mountains that surround the town, not because it is frequented by vampires... unless those vampires happen to be white, fluffy and very cute! Brevard is famous for its Waterfalls and White Squirrels as well as being home to the one and only Cardinal Drive through and it's wonderful milkshakes! Brevard is located next to the Pisgah national forest which is home to over 200 waterfalls and lots of lovely hiking, We chose a nice moderate 8 mile meander through the shady forest to the Twin Falls, risking our lives on some rickety old bridges and at one point even braving walking by some horses which were blocking our path (I HATE Horses, and they hate me!) to be rewarded with a beautiful waterfall which also turned out to be a popular hangout for mosquitos... I got eaten alive! After our walk we took the scenic drive back to Brevard and drove along the blue ridge parkway for a few miles, the views nearly blew my head off! It is true that the speed limit is a little ridiculously slow but the views are so glorious I don't really know why anyone would like to drive fast along this road! Here are some nice pictures of our walk and drive!

We had to cross the path of this horse to make it to the waterfall. The horse hates me and the feeling is mutual

Twin Falls Waterfall

Our car on the Blue Ridge Parkway

The Blue Ridge Parkway Selfie

Another shot form theparkway

Brevard is a quaint town with lots of little independent stores on the high street, all of them currently selling an abundance of white fluffy cuddly squirrely toys, mugs, tee shirts and anything else squirrel related you can think of! This is because Brevard is the best place in the world to see the White Squirrel! Apparently it all started in 1949 when a carnival truck overturned just outside the town, with a couple of the white squirrels it was carrying escaping and obviously liking their new surroundings, breeding like crazy and rest is history! There is even a festival in the Squirrels honour happening in a couple of weeks which they were busy preparing for during our stay, here is a link to the website for the festival! http://whitesquirrelfestival.com/. We never actually saw a squirrel, but there was lots of fake squirrels around to ease the disappointment!

a white Squirrel!

Many White Squirrell gifts are available including wine and wine stoppers!

poster for the festival

Can you spot the squirrel!

some cuddly critters

The Sunset Motel was a lovely place to end our holiday, I loved the small town feel of Brevard, the friendliness of the people and just the overall ambience of the town, The Pisgah national forest is full of exciting places to explore and I feel that just a couple of days is not long enough to do this place justice. Unfortunately all good things have to come to an end and after a long old drive back past all the many churches of Tennessee and West Virginia we arrived back to a still decidedly chilly Ohio.... This morning we even woke up to a little bit of SNOW!!! On May 15th!!! I really cannot wait for it to warm up here :)

Brevard is located in the county of Transylvania... this is the Transylvania Times, what a name for a newspaper!

Thought this was quite a clever idea!

On the subject of clever ideas.... I thought I'd just include a quick shout out to Rich McCor AKA paperboyo and my old travel buddy who is gaining a great following (160k followers on instragramface!) for transforming global landmarks with paper cutouts, just check out some of his work here, it's fantastic :)

https://www.instagram.com/paperboyo/?hl=en